This saddly will be my last blog post as I am going offline. I am at a stand off with certian people who want me to stop writing and things are getting tough to deal with. This world is cruel to angels such as myself. I also can no longer afford and things will be easier if I give in to the pressure per-say and just walk away. I wrote about the truth as we knew it and that is why I came here to begin with...seeing as how my Job is done I leave you with these words. Think of what you truly do to the kind folks of this world with all your hate and evil ways. Is this really the world you want for your children and future generations? Now you must live with the cruel world you created and pray if you need an angel...or look among yourselves for kind folks and support them. Do not harm one for that brings evil justice karma unto yourselves and you only have yourselves to blame. We come here to help and this is how we are treated? How dare you! Yes we are angered by the killing of one of our own! You claim you want a better world and all you humans do is squable like spoiled rotten children every chance you get. This world was once heaven's garden of eden until ruin set upon it. You want heaven? Then you must clean it up, for heaven is the land which you walk upon. Oh the sorrows of the soul as the angels cry for what has this world become. What have you done to this blessed beauty known as Earth? If you want your lord to return you must recreate heaven not hell. As it appears the world still is not ready even almost 3000 years later. Where is the rightous among you? Do you follow every one of the commandments of a good and rightous life? Or do you help bring about strife as people fight for their life? Oh woah is thee who doth see the truth for they are helpless and stuck in the quagmire which was created before them. Be a good friend to all and love one another, turn the other cheek and do not be meek...yes you have the freedom of speech but use it wisely we do say. I shall go seek sanctuary in a peaceful place so worry not about me but do see the cruelity that drove me away...so that my work will not be fruitless...please. OH GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD WHO DOES THIS TO ME...PRAY FOR ME AS I PRAY FOR THEE...BLESSED BE AND NAMASTE.

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Lets celebrate mothers day with a grand old splash newly released give away. JOIN US FOR THE FUN and I shall GIVE AWAY (for free) a copy of my latest and last in 'The Out of the Mind of Madness' series. This book is dedicated to anyone who has ever suffered a serious injury and lived to love and laugh anyways. Help me spread the love folks and know a portion of all the proceeds of our book sales goes to the Amazon.com's Smile drive for Angelmen syndrome foundation. BLESS YOU ♥ and muah

http://www.amazon.com/Out-mind-madness-revised-version-ebook/dp/B01ERR9BO2?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

The mind is a fragile thing and yet is tougher than we may think possible. I know as I have been down that difficult road before. Life may be confusing and painful as it is let alone with a serious injury such as a head injury, but we manage to continue to live somehow. Odd can be the memories that do surface, especially (like here) when it comes through a dream. I once asked if anyone knew why this was published first even if it was the end. That is because we tend to circle back many times in life until clarity of the facts sets in our minds...or we grow bored and annoyed. 

Writers note: This is a revised version as the first one was written by me (and later published) while suffering yet another serious head injury and dangerously high fever. The first one was published as a promise to my inner childhood self but due to a renewed clarity we decided to revise it for the better. Enjoy.

My words are meant to make you think. This is how we heal the world. Seeing as how today is earth day I here-by declare that to save the world we do it every where with every one and not just with the soil and plants or even just the beasts. We MUST heal humans too. For we the humans are part of this world and by declaring humans to die and saving the planet is not fixing the problem with the planet as many of us ARE the biggest problem as many others have said and proven. To truly honor the requirements of earth day we MUST love each other properly as well. If someone walks away from an injured one in need of help and then in turn preaches the love of god and acension by the way of love and light than know that one that walks away just failed all they have been taught. The ones who do not help in some way because of anothers filth forgets that Jesus was not scared of the lepers when he healed them...he was not frightened by others madness and demon possessions when he cured them either so why are those people? A prostitute was his best friend so why do those people spit on these types and then stand on a pulpit minutes later? If that one cannot love their enemy as they would their family and loved ones then they are NOT of the god they preach. You can call me a demon for I write of hell so often I am not scared of it any more but it is you who has not reached that level of understanding...not I. Yes I write the god they preach with a small 'G' because their god is not the great one but a depection as far as I am concerned. LET'S REMEMBER THAT EVERYDAY IS EARTHDAY AND NOT JUST APRIL 22. LOVE ALL INCLUDING HUMANS...FROM THE BROKEN TO THE PRETTY AND EVERYTHING I BETWEEN FOR GOD MADE IT ALL INCLUDING THE UGLY BUG LIKE PERSON. BLESS YOU AND NAMASTE.

ALL IS A MATRIX CODE INCLUDING EMOTIONS

If we think of everything as a matrix code including emotions they lose their intensity. Healing from there can begin as we rise up out of the primitive thinking and into a new way of seeing the universe. The negative is a bad code and if you understand computers you will understand how the universe works. Once you insert this comprehension then you can also know all modern computers have a built in anti-virus program for protection to rid itself of the harmful codes. Delete such things or at least isolate it until a programmer can deprogram it from the system called your brain. The body’s we reside in can be viewed like a very sophisticated bio-droid that some crazy creator gave intelligence and self-awareness to as a gift so it can interact with the world easily…for the most part. All such programs need learning and even the best systems require fixing at times as a bad code invades our hardware and software programming. I understand that emotions do exist in the matrix as does pain. The phoenix tears will inevitably flow as does all the others inherent to humans. That is why the creator loves us. Some would see this as dangerous in a machine but what if it just is as we are? Whether we were created in his image or he in ours matters not in any direction we simply are not perfection such as we would imagine and yet perfect to our parent creator. One might hypothesize that maybe the Christed one went to the other side to help ensure the ones with good codes and well intentioned souls continue, rewrite a few things that need fixing and bring justice to those whom need it. We are the ones who need to give the system input and merely waiting for it to happen won’t turn the computer on. Granted yes some are bad codes and or merely empty shells of a line that should be discontinued but the intensity of all of that is lessened once we see the true nature of this grand universal matrix we live in.

On this fine Easter day we are reminded of Christ and how he rose up again to show he never truly died at all as he was and is one of many holy ghosts in the machine. He said we too can do this if we believe and yet some say Nah. I say look around it happens every day with people such as me who should be dead due to some horrendous accident or twist of fate. Survivors such as us are the ones he speaks of. Our indelible and undying will power is why we live and even if it is merely a qwerk of some sort we still exist non-the-less. Rise up in the soul and celebrate how we too are still alive because of the undying nature of how we simply didn’t give up once again. Tough as life can be and as much as I swear at the universe I know the lovers such as the angels and even Jesus or just god the creator will stand by awaiting for me to calm down, sleep it off and then later I cry and pull myself back up by my boot straps per say. I take a deep breath as my guardians help to reprogram my brains computer system once again. Yes I was filled with bad code from the start but I am alive despite how many wanted to end me. I am reminded of the movie “Jonny five alive”. A crazy moment in time when a person dreamed of a computer having not only independent thought and self-awareness but a kind soul as well. Many wanted to end him but he had a right to continue his believers claimed. I know many folks in my life who have felt that way about me. Thankfully I met others who negated the negative programming some pounded into my head. It is those kind angelic souls who befriended a crazy fool such as me and gave me comfort and understanding that I continue on for. The world needs more compassionate friends to support and or merely give a hug and helping hand. That’s what god wishes for us as we continue on with yet another year from this moment of renewal. Blessed be those who do such things for others as they are the future of humanity. The ones who bring calm to tense moments and merely lend a kind helping hand are as great as the warriors who sacrifice of themselves to protect what is righteous and innocent in, on and with this crazy ass planet we are stuck with. Let us not bring ruin to our only home but instead renew it for future generations by rewriting the codes we exist on. Change things for the better is what is at hand now. Much love and blessings on this fine spring day.

The light above me is a kin to the cross and is all my weary eyes do see
and yet still I remain in pain
hidden from the world I must be
I am dangerous to thee
I give things for your soul to see
I survived the things they did to me
my only crime was that I no longer made them a dime. Sold to my first spouse I was quiet about it like a church mouse.
dowry they claimed it be
and yet prisoner I truly be
incompetent many did claim and yet the doctors did not see the same
paper work to prove my innocence disappeared as readily as the people who backed me up
yet to this day I be the only one who got played and I didn’t even know it was a game
merely thought I was locked away to hide my hideous shame
how dare I survive the attempts to kill me for this I do see
odd memories survived my broken skull and yet how can this be me when I physically am a female and yet all my memories are of a male.
dungeon world be all I do see when I close my eyes eternally
now I be alone with no one to care to phone
mother be there laughing away somewhere
she got her wish
now to be deaths dish
no one believes me though so your secret is safe with me
you are grand gods
and I am just a tramp that’s odd
taken from a church I do recall
as I stare up at the crucifix on the wall
god who is great above all why is it you have not come to call
take me to heaven please oh sweet lord of me
I see your light streaming in the window
and all I do know is how I want to be with you
forgive me for not dying you see
I did try to die
is that why I am punished now?
is she right in how I am the worst one for this is the programming I cannot get undone
most I know either claim to love me from a far or refuse to even let me in their car
I do not know what it is I do and yet there in my mind is her words I cannot untwine from my DNA
if I am not the she like you tell me then please speak of whom I truly am
tell me for the love of all that’s holy where is michele and why am I under the spell of her name? How did she get removed from the game and why is it I be here in her shit?
Oh sweet light of love and tender life why do you tease me as you stream in my window above me?
I wish I had a decent word for all those I see clad in finery
oh how lucky do thou be to have my mother love thee
alas I know I am merely a boil on the ass with no class that like mother did say every day why won’t you just die already and go away?
Bless you kind sir for allowing me this fine space in the human race in order to tell all of how I have yet to heed deaths call and take the fall once again on the cross like father did do for all of you.
Someday I do now the church folk will show and I shall put on a grand show as my empty shell of a corpse be burned so all you fine folks can live the lives you wish seeing as how you are gods above me. For this I do pray every day...take my life so my family can live without strife...I would say amen but this is not the end my friend...as the light continues to tease me for all of eternity.

Why can I not die? I do cry every day in this way. Tis a sin you know for only the one true Gods immortality dare show. This we all know. No one else dare even try to say they identify in this way. Demons be those like me who do not go away as told. From the days of old only Jesus dare be innocent minded you see and don’t try to argue this with me as we all know it does show in today’s society. The ability for inner sight of those with whom I fight is also a sin and why I must die. To save the world for the future mother did declare…yes it is all in there somewhere. How dare I not die when ordered to so long ago? Forgive me mother I did beg I do not know why I still be alive. Yes look see mother dearest to me I cut my wrists and they healed forgive me. I took a bottle of pills as I downed the alcohol swill and still I exist. Sorry if my life does persist. I do try to be as awesome a god as my brother does be. Yet I failed at that too for this you knew. Why do others freak from my childhood when they see me once again is it that I crawled from the grave after you declared me dead? Many I have seen walk away from me much richer than they ever could dream of being before and yet I am not to see a conspiracy in front of me? You claim me to be worse than the antichrist and yet I met this man and he to me was the worst thing unbelievably. Forgive me if I still do not see the beauty you see in these demons around me. Player I truly be in the reality program you set me in long ago.

I wish to be like the ‘him’ who did once die to reprogram the whole thing from the inside. Pawn to Kings Gambit I truly see that I am in this game that be a sham. A maneuver of impossibility even to the masters and yet not unwinnable I am told. From the days of old all my soul does know is what you did teach of me…I be made solely as the ultimate sacrifice life after life. N’er to be anything else is what you want because then the lord would truly run the show. Impossible for this simple minded retard as you did label me to be in charge. Oh sister of mine who declared herself to be my mother has a record in history of trying to kill me. That is why mother did freak because as a child I dared to remind her of what she already did know. No my minds till recalls how you sold me to many a men while dad be at work. Such is why he took me around after a while isn’t that true mother dearest? How many people tried to remove me from the house hold legally as I grew up like a caged pup? Tis why my dad did die wretched with guilt from which he never could escape. Now as many moths be a gap I still alas wait for that higher bound class of roman Templar soldiers once again to take me to my death. Confused I be as many till me no the father lord did that long ago. What do you stand to lose if my father lord did return? Isn’t that why he has not bothered to do so? For he does know he too would be called the antichrist and murdered unlike the promise his own people did give. How many times in the last 2000 plus years have your people replayed the apocalypse merely to prevent him from taking the crown he did earn? Think of this…who among you fine human folk stands to lose the most from Lord Jesus’ return? Will their fine golden castle crumble under the weight of a prophecy being fulfilled? Can your faith with stand the truth that is all my body now knows? Yes call me names and by all means show up in person to Shepard me away into hiding once more please for this is what I beg of thee. That way you can continue to live this life which you create as gods of this fine earth which you claim to have made and not the true creator of the matrix.

LOVE IS A TWO WAY STREET

TO BE OR NOT TO BE LOVED…that is an eternal question in life. Do we keep pumping out love despite the negative responses we get in return? Well yes however at some point we all need it in return. It fosters the level around us when we demand such things from people around us. Gratitude for the things us earth angels do is a kin to thanking God for that is why we do as we do. We are his tools and agents of loving change. When we demand the equal to be reflected back at us then we set forth our personal values and limits. We WILL NOT allow the negative to be sent. I for one am tired of the ungratefulness I receive for helping others. I am unfortunately a magnet to my opposites and aim to change that. I do know it is because I have allowed such treatment because I was being kind to them. Well I apologize needlessly if I cannot tolerate the ill treatment and say so because how else does one change if you do not know your actions are wrong. It is called constructive criticism and is alright to give…even if the other does not want to hear it. By doing so we protect our rights, show courage and our own personal growth. We do not give out negative by putting up a hand and saying ‘no’. It is within our human rights after all.

For example during an argument I mirror the other person by repeating the words they use in a calm manner. The calmer I am the angrier the other gets as they seek a reaction. Then when coupled with their own negative words the other person suddenly cannot handle what they give out. Don’t give it out I say as I smile and continue loving the best I can in the moment. I protect myself and values doing so plus I show them I am the calm one. The angry one is the one with the problem not I. In the end though I still grow weary of this being my only type of person but I am in hell after all. Such is my fate. I minister to these types and must expect it. My biggest problem until now was folding and being submissive to such types. They grew in their negativity by my reinforcing their angry values. By standing up for myself they were confronted with a wall for the first time. No I love you and you give negativity…I will not allow your energy to encompass me as I shall encompass you with the much stronger white love. Thank you and good bye I suppose if one cannot tolerate my new stance. Namaste and blessings if it knocks the loving sense back into you. Let’s dance shall we?

LOOK UPON THE ENEMY AS A FRIEND AND YOU SHALL SEE AS I SEE

Look upon the enemy as a friend and you shall see as I see. Find one thing in them that you admire. It is there if you pause the mind and slow yourself in time. Let time cease to exist even if ever so briefly and just observe life for a while. Be like unto the impartial investigator taking mental notes of all. Be it ever so quick as the matrix code swirls about you and I. Yes there are glitches and contradictory stories and theories as they all are correct unto the one who created it and those whom believe. Sounds crazy but true non-the-less. Think of life as if we exist inside the computer device you use to link onto this wondrous internet. That is where we hail from originally.

Turn the other cheek we are told and yet tend to say fuck you. But alas I have been attempting this and failing my whole life. I did want to know and understand just how Christ could be unafraid of even hellish beings. Then I was gifted the knowledge and connection to this world we have come to know as hell. It is a real place by the way. However as I wrote away while meditating I realized it was nothing more than a filthy and badly run prison. Once I saw it as just that I understood and was no longer afraid. Of course it helped to be a demon prisoner that just wanted to be that model prisoner and just try to be good somehow. So I set to cleaning it up. Without much depth of awareness I managed to rewrite the codes not only in my spirit mind but the matrix around me. LOVE THAT MATRIX CALLED LIFE! Trust me once you see everything as a code and nothing more than things don’t seem as frightening any more. Things are difficult true and we in a sense cannot control others but we do affect them certainly. That is how I learned to truly love this world. If it is the case as I say then this programmer creator of the matrix in which we live is even more amazing then I ever realized. This being many call the one and true god is a master creator and yet remains innocent.

I wondered how this could be with all the bad. Isn’t that one responsible? Nah. He is innocent as the computer for we write the codes of our lives. True we must exist within the parameters of our codes of life he created but like all self-aware beings we learn exponentially. With the freewill aka the chaos theory things expand from there out from us in a tornado effect of energy. Be it good or bad is not the point for it is just energy. The effects on others is real yes. Such is why we must take care of our actions and words. Being kind sends fewer ripples of energy then the tension we tend to build with strife. Of course strife is a natural result of someone-else’s bad codes entering our lives. Some of us are naught more than robots true. Love the sleeper bodies that walk around us for they are the ones we are charged with caring for…for the most part. True we must tend to the matrix as well but forget naught the code variances that we encounter on a daily basis. Whether from others or that table leg you stub your toe on every time you round the corner it all is such as I say. Yet it is as real as the sensations we experience. Such a talent is the creator God I declare if he can weave all this intricacy.

Why do I say it thusly? Because the matrix itself was my worst enemy. Until I truly saw it for what it is and how it was created. Yes people and times will annoy that just is how life is for us. However it need not be so utterly difficult. I understood some folks are crystals, they are lights. Others are magnets of varying strengths and types. Some are gems, varying kinds of imaginary beings like snakes, rats, bugs and dragons all in human form. There are even humans in human form and there is nothing wrong with that for the snake eats the rats, the birds eat the bugs, and the wandering scavengers take care of the rotting corpses. Such is the circle of life and everything has a purpose. Even if the code is poorly written or degraded somehow as was the case in the hell matrix due to the lack of attention or simply a failure to evolve. By forcing our will into the matrix we are the bad ones that destroy what he did. We became our own bad code per say that way. We also can be the gremlin and saboteur as well that seeks to undo all it comes across. As we invent inside this matrix we change it from within…some call that the law of attraction but let’s not forget what I truly speak of…the law of repulsion and destruction. That is the opposite of the law of attraction and parts of this universe we cannot ignore any longer. 

I met many enemies and was given the opportunity to do as I wished. Many true I merely killed off as I wrote my way through hell. Some codes needed to be deleted. I rewrote others as well until I came face to face with the sore spot of my soul…my mom. Now there I stood with the chance to end her for good and all I could do is recall the lesson set before me…love her exponentially. I did this to as many as I could in my mind as the tangled web I did weave began to unravel finally. I became free of the mess I made inside my head. Sure so I am a glitch-filled code but I am loved non-the-less. I am not perfect but then again this matrix he created the day he died on that cross is as well…and yet it is perfect beyond compare or expression. It surely is the greatest task asked of us all to be kind even to those we hate with such venom…just try and not bite the hand that cares for you is all that is asked. For life is a circle and all that venom we spew comes back to us as the winds shifts back to us. We created that boomerang effect after all…and all boomerangs come back to its handler. This is just some food for thought is all as you go about your day. Namaste and many blessings of life’s love unto you all. Oh and never forget just where this matrix all is…inside Gods heart…so let’s be kind to the vessel we all share please for we don’t want to give the old man a heart attack after all.