SADLY DUE TO LACK OF SALES MY FINANCES HAVE DIPPED AND I WILL BE FORCED OFFLINE IN 6 DAYS. I AM LETTING GO BECAUSE TO BE HONEST I AM NOT SURE IF I FAIL AS A WRITER SEEING AS HOW MY BOOK SALES DO NOT REFLECT MY ABILITIES. I SHALL CONTINUE TO WRITE OFCOURSE...IT WILL BE AS HONEST AND REALISTIC VIEW OF LIFE WITH A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. I SHALL LEAVE EVERYONE WITH A FEW WORDS...THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY TRUTH OF MY LIFE...
I try to piece together my identity from the clues online
and such, only get identity theft and lies. Not one bit of it helps me put
myself together leaving me with the feeling that I never should have lived to
begin with so why try now. But seeing as how I am alone and still have to pay
bills and fix things by myself I have no choice, while they have the choice to
walk away like I didn’t exist. Must be nice to be able to do so…I wish I could.
Then again I wish a knight in shining armor angel would show up and make it all
better somehow…fill in the gaps of my mind and soul so I don’t feel like Swiss
cheese. Too bad there is no human capable of showing me they can be trusted. I am
compelled to help them and be super nice and try to keep them alive and happy
when all I do day by day is feel like a hypocrite. I am co-dependent…desperate…needy…emotional…dramatic…and
all the things no one wants in their life. I am the only angel I suppose…and
the rest must want me to die looking at their pretty masks of angelic lies. When
my internet goes away in six days I will wonder just who truly cares…who will
miss me and will the world explode without me? How lonely will I be without my
only connection to the outside world? Look how I have failed is all I see right
now. Will a word of what I say matter as time goes by without me? Or will all
my efforts be in vain and a waste? I cannot work as you so I fail there. I cannot
make people love me nor can I not be perfect like many say I should be. Some
say I am alone and suffer this way because I am such scum I deserve it. They
abuse me others claim and yet I do not see the problem there if they cannot be
put in jail or made to be punished. This world has taught me only one thing…an
abused, poor and broken person is scum and the abusers are gods. Congratulations
on this being the world you allow to continue…as people like me are cut off
from help by the republicans and anyone else who hates helping the less
fortunate. Congrats because you help to make me not want to continue in the world.
Who am I? Just a fool who thought I too was worthy of success…guess I was wrong
and all those words of anyone can succeed by trying...were all pretty lies. Now
I cling to another pretty imaginary thought…may my angels know how to help me
for I have no clue. I give it up to the universe because I am out of ideas…my
brain is like Swiss cheese…my soul is beaten and battered…my enemies laugh at
my suffering…and I disappoint people who need me to be strong for them. I am a
rose in a withering an untended garden and expected to be the savior of the
universe…I am not Einstein and Jesus rolled into one…I am a tiny rose bud being
trampled on. Congratulations people…you have proven once again that the world
is not ready for that rose to bloom…you’re not ready for me or any other angel
to truly exist. Yes this is harsh and cynical words…yes you clearly see my
wounds and blood spatters before your eyes. What happens from here in your life
is up to you…for me…it’s up to God…I am a simple person who thought I was
bigger than I am truly…I learned my lessons…will you?
